Things have gotten worse again since the last post. I'm surprised my happiness was not limited to the last January, because it certainly looks like that to me.

A public diary is a stupid idea. I just wish to be heard, and the chances of that being very small are pretty comforting. My sister is still nice to me. I thought I scared her off, yet she came with juice and offered a hug - something she rarely does. I was too bothered but she understood. My mom, too, got me something. We did not say a single word to each other. I hope she'll kick me out soon enough.

As usual, I'll keep uncomfortable details inside comments.

man they keep asking me if i want to go have dinner and i keep saying no. they're either ignoring the hint or not taking it at all. both of them talked to me unprompted about doctor stuff as if i'm the one who threw myself into a slump this week

They're helping me. Very gentle.

I was going to give up again on my education, but I'll try harder before I do so. If this major keeps being a failure for me, I'll switch to psychology or psychiatry (medical school).

Things are going well with my doctor. I am haunted by semi-rational fears in irrational settings, though. I don't know what the future holds. I'm afraid of rejection. I'm afraid of losing control.

Where will they dump my body?

You know, I did see the stars again a few months ago when I first got to this country. It was good, stargazing, trying to identify consetellations.